Don’t Dig Yourself Into A Relationship Hole

Don't dig yourself into a relationship hole. It's an unforced error.

Transformational deals like ERP, outsourcing, or major technological or business process shifts are heavily relationship-driven. And relationships are easier to build than they are to fix.

Consider this:

 👍 Trust takes 3–5x longer to rebuild than to establish correctly from the start ("The Neuroscience of Trust" HBR 2017 (and others)).

👍 People weigh negative experiences 3–5x more than positive ones ("Bad is Stronger Than Good", Baumeister, 2001 (and others)).

👍 Collaborative contract drafting reduces revision cycles by 30-50% (Harvard Program on Negotiation "Getting to Yes" (and others)) .

Many of the fixes for this are simple -- here' are two easy ones:

1. Instead of trading redlines when you're negotiating contracts, start with a collaborative review.

Avoid the NFWs and WTFs in the margins. Your reasoning is much easier and faster to explain before the other side assumes the worst -- and much harder to negotiating once that impression is set.

2. Do what you say you're going to do.

This includes simple things like just showing up for meetings on time, and extends to more difficult things like creating real psychological safety in meetings. These behaviors build trust. And trust is must easier and quicker to build than it is to REbuild.

Transformational deals are complex enough -- why make them harder with relationship missteps?